On June 06, 2002, I held my mother's hand for the very last time (I dint know it would be the last time) and said goodbye, hoping she would return back. June 15th was my parent’s 25th anniversary and Dad went down to her hospital room excited to wish her on their anniversary, but he was disappointed to find out she was unconscious. On June 16, 2002 Mom took her final breath. I encountered an overwhelming and unknown course: Facing life as a daughter without a mother.
There are some things in life that we just don’t want to deal with, accept or even acknowledge as existing. The process of getting use to not having your mother is not easy. Being only 15 when she went away, I can’t even describe the pain I felt, it was a feeling of indescribable loneliness. It’s such an emptiness, such a hole in your very soul which can’t be filled; at times I’ll be doing some routine thing, like homework and I’d think, “Oh, I don’t know how to do this, I’ll just ask my mom…” and things trail off as your realize that you don’t have a mother who will be coming home that evening. The last thing my mother told me on her hospital bed that I would never forget was, “ Puii, I got married at a very young age and I might have hurt u intentionally or unintentionally parenting you .Please forgive me” I cried the whole day.
Talking or thinking about my mother’s death is difficult for me, In fact, this is the most difficult thing that has ever happened in my twenty years of life. I have overcome many obstacles. Yet, dealing with my mother’s death is more difficult than anything ever.
Sometimes people come up to me and tell me stories about how their friend's parents died and say they understand. They don't, no on will ever understand. Or sometimes they will ask me for my advice. I don't know what advice to give to anyone. Everyone reacts differently. I wish I could say that the pain will go away in time but it's been over a five years and it still hurts. I guess nothing will help but time.
The only advice I can offer to anyone else going through this is the advice which my aunt gave me: “Hang in there”!!!
There are some things in life that we just don’t want to deal with, accept or even acknowledge as existing. The process of getting use to not having your mother is not easy. Being only 15 when she went away, I can’t even describe the pain I felt, it was a feeling of indescribable loneliness. It’s such an emptiness, such a hole in your very soul which can’t be filled; at times I’ll be doing some routine thing, like homework and I’d think, “Oh, I don’t know how to do this, I’ll just ask my mom…” and things trail off as your realize that you don’t have a mother who will be coming home that evening. The last thing my mother told me on her hospital bed that I would never forget was, “ Puii, I got married at a very young age and I might have hurt u intentionally or unintentionally parenting you .Please forgive me” I cried the whole day.
Talking or thinking about my mother’s death is difficult for me, In fact, this is the most difficult thing that has ever happened in my twenty years of life. I have overcome many obstacles. Yet, dealing with my mother’s death is more difficult than anything ever.
Sometimes people come up to me and tell me stories about how their friend's parents died and say they understand. They don't, no on will ever understand. Or sometimes they will ask me for my advice. I don't know what advice to give to anyone. Everyone reacts differently. I wish I could say that the pain will go away in time but it's been over a five years and it still hurts. I guess nothing will help but time.
The only advice I can offer to anyone else going through this is the advice which my aunt gave me: “Hang in there”!!!
11 comments:
Your right i can not realize what you must have been feeling at that young age but god had his loveing arms around your mother and you must go on to be the women your mother wanted you to be sorry if that is to hard but life can get difficult at times but god can make the pain in your soul pain of joy i did not know you had to growe up so fast but you have and your mother would be proud of you your in school you have become a beautiful women and it is a blessing to know you. eddie
Thank you Eddie
you're one of the strongest person i've ever met!!!i admire your courage to do what you have to do...even after you've been through so much.
Our attachment to the people we love is so personal that its hard to know how each individual feels. I always wondered how you deal with your mom being gone. The very fact that you are "dealing with it" shows your strength. I don't know how I would cope.
I bow in front of about are the remains of the human being. I know that nothing is worth a life especially for a girl who loves so much her mother as you Puii. Nevertheless, a life, which goes away, goes away. She will never return. I share your deepest sorrow. I believe that it is so much for you to turn this black page of your life and to say as Job in the Holy Scripture, Jehovah who looks and Jehovah who takes that your Holy Name Is praised and blessed forever. I know absolutely if your mother would have been able to speak to you, she would say to you my attractive and soft daughter: Kept silent ( Puii) If you love me so much, you have to live the life for us for you and me. I know that my words are too small and are incapable to cure the Sadness of your heart and your soul.
However, that the Christ Jesus who has crucified for the forgiveness of our sins brings in your life: the love, the enjoyment, the enjoyment of which she is thirsty. My Daughter, Courage! Claude
The mother's love is the greatest of all things in this world.I am really feeling sorry for you and your family for the untimely departure of your wonderful Mum for her heavenly home.At the same time I could say that you are a strong woman indeed,so keep it up...My prayers are with you and your family.
pui2, if i'm nt mistaken i think d last time i saw ur mom was the last for u too.the whole picture is still so vivid in my mind.ur mom has broughtup all of u into such admirable people,though she cudnt live long enuff to c it all.rem dt this world is not our last resort.ur mom is still wit us in spirit n soul.tk care of ur dad n li'l sis kim.my regards to her.i'm proud of u.
He Khawvel kan khual zin na ram ah hian mihring te hian kan chhungah kan duh loh zawng thil tam tak te pathian in min pe thin. A tawrh hun lai chuan hriat thiam poh a har thin, tuar ve lo tan phei chuan in hnem tih vel hian engmah kan thinlungah a su tak2 ngai lo.Mihring in he khawvela chhiatna rapthlak kan tih hi thihna ani a chuvang chuan i thil tawn hi a hun lai chuan a nat tur zia pawh ka hriat thiam pui che.Khawvelah hian nu lo pawimawh zia hi chu kan Upa telh2 a atakin kan hre chau tial2 zel a,nu hmangaihna lo thuk zia hi chu thu hian a sawi fiah thei lo. Mahse thil kal tawh chu thil kal tawh ania I nu chuan thu hnuh chiah che pawh a neih ngei ka beisei chu2 i tih hlawh tling ngei pawh ka ring, he khawvel a i awm lai ngei hian. Chu2 i nu tan a i thil tih sak ropui ber anih ngei poh ka ring.He khawvel hi mitin chuan chhuahsan hun kan la nei vek dawn eng tik ni ah emaw chuan i nu nen poh in la in hmu leh ngei ang. Chumi hun ah chuan i nu in a thu hnuh chiah che kha i tih puilting sak na lawm man pawh a pe ngei ang che.
I Understand Pui what pain you have gone through but for me Mother's Love is something very Great.
A Mother's love is something
that no on can explain,
It is made of deep devotion
and of sacrifice and pain,
It is endless and unselfish
and enduring come what may
For nothing can destroy it
or take that love away . . .
It is patient and forgiving
when all others are forsaking,
And it never fails or falters
even though the heart is breaking . . .
It believes beyond believing
when the world around condemns,
And it glows with all the beauty
of the rarest, brightest gems . . .
It is far beyond defining,
it defies all explanation,
And it still remains a secret
like the mysteries of creation . . .
A many splendoured miracle
man cannot understand
And another wondrous evidence
of God's tender guiding hand.
'Yesterday is a memory, tomorrow is a mystery and today is a gift, which is why it is called the present' so be happy and take courage...Bunty
Puii, I am just a stranger who happened to read your blog. I lost my wonderful dad to a car accident when I was 14. He was my hero. It has been 30 years since his passing but not a day has gone by when I didn't think of him. It is always hard to accept that loss, especially hard for sensitive people like yourself. But Puii, you can only move forward now, sometimes with a painful lump in your throat, sometimes with tears in your eyes, sometimes with a smile on your face, but move forward you must. Keep the memory of your mother alive and always know that your mother lives in you and in your heart, in the way you think, and perhaps in the way you laugh.
Thank you all for the love =)
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